The Truth Only Heaven Knows
by Mx.Amabilis
Summary: This story takes palace on the same day as 'Wall Garden'. Cristo had a disagreement with the Santeem's Miltary Generals and his Mentor about Alena's recent actions. These confrontations are taking an emotional toll on him. So much so, that Cristo starts to wonder if his feelings towards Alena are more than loyalty towards her as a priest.


"Alright now, just hold your arm out and breathe slowly."

The rugged soldier steadily held out his right arm in front of Cristo. Cristo placed his hand over the soldier's upper arm, chanting an incantation to himself. The soldier looked away and took a deep breath as a mysterious blue aura surrounded his wounded arm. The army of soldiers watched in awe as the large gash gradually disappeared.

Cristo got up from the bench and smiled. "There you are, Sir Owen. Your arm should feel better now."

"Thanks, Cristo..." Sir Owen let out his breathe he had been holding, then, he took some gold coins from his knapsack and added, "I know you're willing to help us free of charge, but I think us soldiers should pay you for what you've done for us today."

Cristo shook his head. "Oh, don't worry about it, Sir Owen! You really don't need to pay me."

Suddenly, another rugged man that was standing beside Cristo clapped his back and said: "Thanks, Cristo. You're a good man, you know that!?"

However, the soldier was so careless about his friendly gesture that Cristo lost some of his balance.

"Uh...thank you for the kind words, General Marcus... But I'm just happy that I can help..."

Sir Owen smiled at Cristo, "well, we need generous men like you." but the smile soon changed to a frown as Sir Owen continued speaking with a groan.

"Especially with Princess Alena being around and about. Our unit has to keep closer track of our men to make sure she doesn't disguise herself as one of us. You know what happened today, don't you?"

Cristo looked back at Owen with a sombre face. "Yes, I've heard, but I'm just happy that the Princess wasn't hurt. I mean, she was in a pretty dangerous situation back there."

General Marcus crossed his arms and shook his head in dismay. "Yeah, well... Princess Alena can be a real pain in the neck sometimes with that reckless behaviour of hers... I have a deep suspicion that she doesn't care about all the trouble that she caused us..."

Being upset with General Marcus' suggestion, Cristo unflinchingly placed fist against his chest and explained:

"Now, I don't think Princess Alena's behaviour is as nearly as troublesome as you say! I'm sure she has reasons for why she acts the way she does!"

Cristo looked around the training field and noticed the soldiers staring back at each other. The sudden silence felt very awkward. He got a sense that the soldiers were shocked that he said something that they believed was disagreeable. Cristo bit his lip, as none of the soldiers dared to say a word. Suddenly, General Marcus broke the silence with a hearty laugh.

"Oh, Cristo. You really do have the patience of a newborn lamb don't ya?"

The soldiers started to laugh loudly. Cristo took a couple of steps back from the group and chuckled nervously:

"Well, it's getting late now. So I better head back to the Church... If you any of you need my help, just feel free to drop by."

"Okay Cristo, we'll consider it. Anyways, I think we better get going, too," said General Marcus. Then he turned back to his soldiers and signal them. "Come on, men! We should rest up early so we can be ready for tomorrow morning's routine."

The soldiers followed General Marcus, muttering among themselves in hopes that neither General Marcus nor Sir Owen could hear their gossiping. Cristo looked back at the army and gave a sigh of relief. Afterwards, he looked downwards and left the training grounds.

On his way towards the Church, Cristo paced himself slowly, with his shoulders slightly hunched over. After the confrontation, he had with the military officers, Cristo wished nothing more than to have some peace and quiet. Even if it was just for a little while. Despite his solemn mood, the scent of the flower fields of the Castle Garden did catch his attention. Cristo looked up and saw how beautiful the scenery was. Flowers swayed gracefully across the open field as various shades of whites, pinks and reds petals glowed in the sunset. Cristo stopped walking so he could take it all in. He felt a sense of peace as he no longer felt stressed about the conversion he had with the soldiers.

However, the sound of loud squawking interrupted the tranquil atmosphere. Cristo looked up and saw a large flock of crows flying across the sky. He sighed while he watched the crows flying into the distance.

_It's getting dark. I should really focus on heading back to the Church._

Cristo turned back and left the flower field far behind. When he arrived at the Church, he stopped and looked up at the ancient yet holy building. Even though he's seen the Church countless times, its large scale, along with the light from the sun, gave it a daunting presence. He slowly opened the door and walked inside. Cristo paused as he noticed that a familiar figure was walking towards him down the aisle.

"Welcome back, Cristo. How are you?"

Cristo gave his mentor a slight smile, "I'm fine, Father Thomas. The soldiers were finishing training, so General Marcus called me over to mend their wounds."

Then, he bashfully arranged the brim of his hat and added: "so you see, I was quite busy this afternoon."

Father Thomas chuckled. "Well, I'm sure you had your work cut out for you back there." He put his hand over Cristo's shoulder as he spoke: "You must be tired. Why don't you wash up while I prepare dinner?"

Cristo nodded. "Yes, Father Thomas! I won't take long."

Cristo walked quickly past the right aisle and through the Church Hall. He went up to the stairs to the bathroom and washed his face and hands thoroughly. Cristo quickly returned downstairs and arrived at the kitchen. He noticed that Father Thomas had already finished setting up dinner, as he saw two bowls of vegetable soup and bread rolls that sat beside them.

"Well, that was quick. Why don't we sit down and say grace?" Father Thomas said gently.

"Of course, Father Thomas", replied Cristo.

Cristo and Father Thomas pulled out their chairs and quietly sat down. He watched Father Thomas rearrange his side of the table diligently. As Cristo glanced at his side of the table, he noticed that his knife and fork were a little off centre. Cristo rearranged them accordingly, hoping that his side of the table looked well kept. Cristo looked up at Father Thomas and saw him pick up his napkin, fold it and place it on his lap. Cristo took his napkin and did the same.

Father Thomas glanced at Cristo and spoke to him in a soft-spoken, yet slightly authoritative tone.

"Cristo, would you like to lead while saying Grace?"

Cristo looked up at Father Thomas and nodded. "Oh yes, Father. I would be honoured!"

Cristo followed up on Father Thomas' request by doing the sign of the cross. He clasped his hands together and bowed down. Father Thomas followed suit. They closed their eyes as Cristo muttered the sacred words:

"Bless us, O Lord, and thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen"

The two men looked upwards and immediately ended the prayer with the sign of the cross. Father Thomas scooped up a spoonful of vegetable soup, blew off the steam and ate it. While Cristo took the role of bread and spread butter on it. The room became silent as they ate their meal. However, the quiet atmosphere would not last for long. Father Thomas placed the spoon beside his soup bowl and asked Cristo a question that was on his mind since that afternoon.

"Cristo, I saw you speaking to Princess Alena while you were tending the garden. What were you two talking about?"

Cristo was about to eat his soup but paused as soon as he heard Father Thomas' question. He was unsure whether or not he should tell Father Thomas about what they talked about. Their conversion got rather personal, so he feared that it might be too intrusive for both of them if he shared it. Cristo looked back at Father Thomas and answered:

"Oh, well... She just stopped by to say hello... We just talked about the usual..."

Cristo stared at his soup with a sullen look in his eyes as he thought to himself._ I'm not so sure if that was the right thing to say... I really hope I didn't sound foolish_...

Father Thomas sipped his soup and said:

"I assumed she didn't bring up about Today's incident with you?"

Cristo toyed with his soup as he listens to what Father Thomas had said. He was still looking down at his soup when Cristo eventually answered Father Thomas' question in a meek tone.

"...Well not exactly... we didn't really talk about it too much..."

"I see." Father Thomas replied in a calm yet wary voice. "I'm not very surprised, her actions weren't very wise on her part. Hopefully, she would think before she acts from now on."

Just then, Cristo immediately got up from his chair. Stared directly at Father Thomas as he spoke to him with a distraught yet aggrieved tone.

"Even though Princess Alena's behaviour can be reckless at times, there's more to her than that!" Cristo passionately put his hand against his chest. "She truly has a wise heart, and I'm sure she would be more careful!" he put his arm down and looked away with a melancholy expression on his face. "I'm just grateful that she is safe..."

Father Thomas quietly stared down at his food and paused. He couldn't bring himself to look or say anything to Cristo. The two men were completely silent as the tense atmosphere made it difficult for either of them to process the stressful situation. Father Thomas, in particular, felt very troubled. This was the first time he ever heard Cristo raise his voice in such a hostile manner. He always heard of stories from Brey about Princess Alena talking back and having screaming matches with him but he would never imagine that he and Cristo would be in a similar situation. He was so nervous about the whole dilemma that he could feel his legs shake as sweat fell down his face.

"...Excuse me..." Cristo said quietly.

He pulled his chair out and sat down once more. Still avoiding giving Father Thomas, Cristo went back to eating his meal. He was self-conscious that he handled the situation poorly, but he Cristo was unsure of what he should do to get out of this tense situation.

Cristo stopped eating to look at Father Thomas. He noticed that Father Thomas was staring back at him with a stern expression that made him feel intimated.

Father Thomas sighed, and his lips began to tremble as he spoke.

"Cristo... I...I didn't mean to suggest anything negative about her..."

Cristo's eyes widened and became sorrowful as he heard Father Thomas' comment. He bowed down his head in shame and muttered sheepishly.

"I'm so sorry for my shameful behaviour, Father Thomas...I should have known better than to act in such a manner..."

"You are forgiven... Now let us move on and enjoy the meal that God has given us."

"Yes, Father..." Cristo replied solemnly.

Father Thomas went back to eating his meal. However, Cristo stirred his soup slowly, as he wasn't even sure if he can bring himself to finish his meal. He lifted up his spoon in an attempt to eat, but stopped midway and placed the spoon back into the bowl. Cristo looked at his soup, feeling that he'd lost his appetite. Cristo got up from his chair and bowed.

"Father Thomas, this meal was delicious but I would like to be excused."

"Oh, that's fine by me, Cristo." Father Thomas placed his finger chin and asked, "But are sure you've had enough to eat?"

"Oh, yes. I'll be fine thank you", Cristo replied with a slightly startled look on his face.

Cristo started to pick up his plates from the dinner table and carry them towards the sink. However, Father Thomas got up from his chair and held out his arm in front of Cristo, offering to take the plates from him.

"I'll take care of the plates, Cristo. You've had a rough day, I think it's for the best if you take a rest."

"Thank you, Father Thomas. I appreciate your help. "

Cristo loosened his grip as Father Thomas took the plates from away him. Father Thomas frowned as he watched Cristo leave the kitchen. When Cristo was out of the room, Father Thomas looked down at the plates and whispered.

"God, please give us strength."

* * *

After dinner, Cristo stayed in his room for what felt like hours. He spent his time looking out of the window, watching the birds flying through the sunset. The grass swayed in the gentle summer breeze. The stars glistened as they slowly became visible in the dusky sky. Cristo let out a light sigh. He still felt emotionally drained since his conversion with Father Thomas.

_I'm not so sure if Father Thomas really forgave my actions. It was disgraceful of me to lash out at him like that..._

Cristo bowed down his head in shame and gently closed his eyes.

_I'm shaping up to be a pretty poor successor if I continue to follow this path... I need to try harder so I won't go astray... But Father Thomas was being rather unfair to the Princess. He was judging her without really understanding her. I just couldn't sit there and say nothing. I mean, it should not be considered sinful to defend someone you care about..._

Cristo looked up to the stars and frowned.

_Yet...I'm not so sure if I handled the situation well... My actions did seem to hurt Father Thomas... I just can't help but feel guilty for it...God, what should I do?_

He turned around and saw the bookshelves that stood against the wall.

_Maybe I should do some reading. It might help clear my head._

Cristo went by his work desk and took a piece of paper that was sitting there. It was a list of books with their due dates written beside them. He tracked the words with his fingers and said quietly to himself:

"Grand Places of Our World... Hmm...This book seems to be due soon..."

Cristo looked back and walked towards the bookshelf. He scanned the shelves and picked out the book. He then placed the book on to the work desk and sat down. Cristo noticed that his room was getting dark, so he took a tinderbox from his pocket and used it to light the candle that stood on the desk.

Cristo opened the book to where he left off. His eyes wandered throughout the page. Cristo flipped through the pages of the book steadily to prevent them from ripping. Cristo felt awed by the beautiful and detailed illustrations of Endor's landmarks. So much so that he didn't think about his interactions with the soldiers or his confrontation with Father Thomas during dinner. Cristo truly felt at peace, at least for now.

_'Endor is known for its trade and commerce because it is located near various waterways. Many people all over the world visit Endor in hopes of making large profits by selling valuable items or obtaining rare goods. Because of this, Endor is not only known as a place of golden opportunity for merchants, but it's also known as a country of cultural exchange.'_

"Fascinating..." muttered Cristo. _I've never seen a place like this before. It would be nice if I could see it for myself, _Cristo thought to himself.

Then he continued to read the passage. His eyes widened as he saw spectacular drawings of the Colosseum. The pictures showed the Colosseum from a variety of different angles, but each shot was equally magnificent in terms of depicting its grandeur and scale.

_'One of Endor's greatest sights is the Colosseum. Built between 92 to 110 AD, the Colosseum stood the test of time with its strong foundation. Due to its long history, as well as having the size to accommodate more than 10,000 people, the Colosseum is used to host various events such as royal marriages and festivals. However, the Colosseum is best known to hold tournaments, which attract many fighters from all over the world to test their strength.'_

Cristo paused from reading and pondered:

_Maybe I should tell the Princess about what I've read when she stops by tomorrow. After the conversion we had, I'm sure she would be interested in learning about a place like Endor._

Cristo's optimistic smile soon changed into a melancholy expression as he gazed at the candle's constantly flickering flame.

_Seeing so many people in the castle gossip about her, I'm sure she had a rough day, too... Unfortunately, I was powerless to defend her reputation, but I hope telling her about Endor would at least cheer her up... She's so focused on teaching herself how to fight, I think she will enjoy hearing about the Colosseum in particular._

Cristo suddenly paused and put his hand against his forehead in grief.

_Or maybe it would just be a reminder of the kind of life she's missing..._

Cristo flipped through the pages once more. He saw illustrations of busy streets, ships by a large dock, vendors, and a large crowd that circled around the Colosseum for what looked to be a tournament. The detailed drawings caught his attention so much that his mind couldn't focus on reading their descriptions. Cristo gave a sombre smile as he looked at the pictures. Even though he had never been to Endor, the illustrations gave Cristo a sense of familiarity and comfort.

_Still, Endor seems like an exciting place that I would like to share with her... I wish... we could escape from the castle one day... Just to go to a faraway place where we can be ourselves without being afraid of being judged..._

Cristo felt his heart sink and his throat started to become dry. He turned away slightly from the book as his expression quickly changed from worried to disgusted. Cristo clutched his hand and turned his head down in shame.

"...How can I be so selfish..."

_I was called to serve at the castle as a Priest. And if I leave, who would be Father Thomas' successor? I just can't leave them behind... As for Princess Alena...She needs to be here too, whether she knows it or not..._

He closed his eyes sorrowfully.

_How foolish of I to wish for us to run away..._

Cristo's mind went blank. He felt too overwhelmed to focus on his innermost thoughts and feelings. Cristo turned his head up and opened his eyes, as he had come to a sudden realization.

_But then again... Is it really sinful to share your life with someone you care deeply for? As well as to ensure they live a life where they feel safe and loved...?_

Cristo's eyes widened and his face began to blush. He could feel his heart skipping while his stomach was turning. Although these confusing feelings seemed mysterious and foreign, he knew that he's felt this way before. It was similar to what he felt when he overheard Brey tell Father Thomas about Alena's failed attempt to train with the soldiers. He knew it was more than just general concern, but what was it?

Suddenly, Cristo made a devastating conclusion. A realization that he didn't want to acknowledge for quite a while now. However, it had gone to the point where he couldn't avoid the very thought that he feared. He clutched his hands on his head and anxiously muttered to himself.

"Oh, God...I think I've fallen for her..."

Cristo put his arms down and remained still, he can only feel numbness and shame in his heart.

_How can a priest even consider having feelings for the Princess? I'm such a fool for interpreting our relationship this way... I mean, what would people in the castle think if they knew...? Witnessing the future Head Priest struggling to maintain his vows would be a disgrace...Especially if he's in love with the Princess._

However, the situation wasn't distressing purely for the sake of his reputation among the castle's in inhabitants alone, everything he worked for was at stake. For a long time, Cristo wanted to pursue a life dedicated to religion. From getting the highest grades in seminary school to making the decision to further his education in a high profile school and eventually serving at Santeem castle, Cristo's life revolved around the priesthood. The very thought that the priesthood was the wrong path for him, frightened Cristo to no end.

"I can't let anyone know about this. Especially Father Thomas" murmured Cristo.

Then he came to a possible conclusion that made him feel even tenser.

_But what if...Father Thomas has already figured it out? It seemed like Father Thomas felt uneasy today, or at least he was whenever Princess Alena was a part of our conversion. Maybe that was why he sent me out to tend the garden or why he was uncomfortable when I defended her during dinner. I hope that wasn't the case at all, but looking back, I did let my emotions get the better of me, didn't I..._

_"_What if all this is a sign that I read God's call wrong and I was never meant to be a Priest?"

Cristo's eyes started to water. He desperately tried to hold back his tears, no matter how difficult it was to do so. However, he was so overwhelmed by his emotions that tears came streaming down his face. In spite of his tears, Cristo remained completely silent.

After a little while, Cristo wiped off his tears and looked up with determination. He closed his book and quickly bushed it off to the other side of the table. Cristo took the candle holder, got off from his chair and left his bedroom. He slowly closed the door and went downstairs. The hallway was dark and damp as the flickering flame of the candle was the only source of light that Cristo had to rely on. He walked steadily through the Church Halls, making sure that he didn't make too much noise, in fear of waking Father Thomas up.

Cristo scanned his surroundings as he entered the chapel. The light from his candle illuminated the religious icons of various Saints as he walked through the dark halls of the transept. What used to be the comforting and serene gazing of the Saints now felt like ominous cold stares. Cristo couldn't help but feel unsettled in spite of his familiarity with the icons.

At the end of the transept stood a shrine dedicated to the revolutionary Saint of Santeem, Saint Ephraim. The shrine had a majestic statue of the man, who was depicted holding a staff in one hand and the Bible in the other. The walls were covered with a tapestry that told the Saint's story. Cristo paused to stare at the tapestry, remembering Saint Ephraim's legendary tale.

_'Born from a noble religious family, Saint Ephraim was sent to a monastery at a young age. He learned everything one was to know about the Christian faith, and he was taught how important it was to live a life of discipline. When he reached adulthood, he left the monastery to become a priest, in hopes of offering God's teachings to the people. However, his mentor was a hypocrite, who broke many of his priestly vows. Saint Ephraim left his mentor and gave up on his dreams of becoming a priest. Dissatisfied with the state of the priesthood, he dedicated his life travelling Santeem, preaching about the problems within the Priesthood, as well as advocating for a new direction of training that required more education and order.'_

Cristo held out the candle so he could take a closer look at the tapestry. He saw man images of Saint Ephraim including one that portrayed Sant Ephraim as a scribe and another picture of him preaching to a large crowd. However, the image that stood out to him the most was the depiction of Saint Ephraim condemning his mentor. Cristo flinched as he saw the drawing of Saint Ephraim pointing his finger at the priest and his lover, as they were both cowering on the floor. Cristo couldn't help but feel as if the scouring eyes of Saint Ephraim were staring directly at him.

Cristo took a deep breath and walked towards the statue of the holy shrine. He carefully lit the candles that stood by the statue and knelt down at the shrine's altar. Cristo closed his eyes steadily and began to pray.

_Saint Ephraim, please hear this prayer from a humble servant of God. I'm facing a serious dilemma involving my future as a priest, as well as my relationship with a cherished friend. Please give me your strength and guidance so I can follow the right path again..._

The flames of the candles gave a mysterious glow within the shrine. His mind became clear of anxieties, focusing his attention purely on meditating. Just then, Cristo looked up to the statue as he reached a newfound understanding of his problem.

_Maybe it's because my feelings towards the Princess are spiritual... She's not only one of my closest friends, but she's also the first person with whom I can be open about myself... Even though we are very different people in terms of interests and our paths in life, we share a lot in common on an emotional level. This spiritual connection is why I feel so strongly towards her wellbeing._

Cristo bowed down and gave a gentle smile,

"I understand now...Thank you, Saint Ephraim..."

Cristo stood up from the floor and blew out the shrine's candles. Then, he picked up the candle holder and walked away from the shrine. Before Cristo left the chapel for the night, he took one last look at the shrine. His confident smile slowly disappeared when he saw the statue of Saint Ephraim surrounded by total darkness. Cristo returned to his room to sleep for the night, hoping that tomorrow will be a lot less stressful.


End file.
